February 18th, 2021 Hospital and Life Update #1

Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve updated my blog but it has been a long few weeks. It took a few weeks to start feeling better and I’m still struggling. I hate how long it’s taking me to get back to my normal health. I started feeling much better after my last chemo, but now I’ve caught pneumonia and have fluid in my lungs. So I’m currently in the hospital, getting antibiotics and scans to get back to healthy again. I hate how immune compromised I am. So fighting this is even harder for my body. Not sure how long I’ll be here, but I swear the hospital is the last place I want to be. I’m hoping for a speedy recovery. But I’m not sure how these next few days are going to go. I’ve been in observation but they are moving me to be admitted. Cause my body is getting worst while I’ve been here. So its a good thing I’m here. But I’d much rather be cuddled up on the couch with my son.

I wish more people talked about being a mother but also a cancer patient. Both equally as hard but still managing to be both. If you can’t take care of your self imagine a little boy who counts on you to take care of him too. That’s the hard part. But luckily I have family willing to take care of him so I can take care of myself too. And that is something I was lucky enough to have. Because without my family, there’s no way I’d still be alive. They have pushed me hard to get where I am. And I’m definitely not gonna let this take me out either. I’ve been through too much and have gotten to far to give up now. I was just hoping to stay clear of the hospital until April when I do my next scan to declare whether or not I need radiation or I’m in remission. It’s a huge waiting game with cancer I swear. Patience is something you learn with cancer.

I’ve also started therapy to deal with the fun part of being depressed and anxious 24/7. I think that’s helped some. I really needed someone to talk to about all the struggles I face. I know my family is sick of hearing it lol.

I can’t wait to put this part of my life behind me and continue to be the me that I want. I’m ready to be able to walk in a store and not get winded. Or be able to wake up and feel energetic and not so fatigued. I’m exhausted everyday no matter how much rest I get. I know my time will come when life wants it to come. But I wish that time would come a lot faster than it is. But time is virtue. With time and healing I’ll come back stronger than I ever was. Cause this whole experience has changed me for life. If I ever see a cancer patient anywhere in public, I will be so compassionate. And loving. Because that’s not what I get in public. I get dirty looks unless I wear a wig. But I’m rocking the bald look mostly. So I’m just going to keep going. My time will come. And I cannot wait. ❤

Thanks for reading my blog and updates! 🥰

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