Todays thought’s 9.5.21′

Wow, It sure has been some time since I’ve made an update about my life and what all has been happening. But I’ve been busy being a mom and to see how many months have passed already is insane. March?! Thats the last time I made a blog update. What is wrong with me?! Leave such a sad ending but never the good outcome? Well to say the least I am cancer free!! Like officially. My scan was good and exactly what ny doctor wanted to see. So forever thankful that I get to be one of the lucky ones and overcome this terrible disease. But on the other end, the after math of going through chemotherpy has been a roller coaster of hell. So many health issues from doing that, and it sucks. My body feels like I aged 50 years in that 6 month time frame. But so basically I’m having severe back problems and I did an MRI that found 3/4 spots in my lower back that are buldging. So I’ve been waiting for this appointment with a pain specialist to figure out why I”m having so much pain come from the lower part of my back. I have tried everything all the way to physical therapy to try and get some relief but that actually made it worst I believe. But we didn’t know about the spots in my back until recently. So far it has nothing to do with cancer or related in any way yet. But I will continue to fight and soon hopefully have some relief in my back. Your back is the main part of your body to stablize you, so for that to cause so much pain my everyday activities have been hard. I have some medication that helps temporalily so I’m grateful for that. I have some really good days, while I also have very bad days too. And to make the pressure even heavier is that I’m a mom during all of this too even impresses my own self sometimes. I do the damn thing and well too. Being a mom is the best part of my life I can’t say that enough. He has kept me going through the worst I’ve ever been in life. And here we are still smiling and enjoying ever moment we can together despite the circumstances we have been put into. I’m proud of us. He’s the greatest litlle boy I’ve ever met, and yes of course I’m going to say that cause I’m his mom, but he literally amazes me everyday with something new. His happiness is what gets me through the day. Especially knowing he’s my one. I probably won’t ever have the oppurtuntity to have children again due to a side affect of chemo, but that just means all my love gets to go to him. He’s all I’ll ever need truly. And of course my family and amazing friends that I have, I was blessed with the small circle I have. I wouldn’t change a thing about who is invoved in my life and whos not. 2021 has shown me a lot of true colors of everyone around me. Some good and some bad but I’ve got to learn a lot about who is really there for you and who isn’t. God it feels good to be writing again after so long. I’m going to keep trying to post more but being a busy mom keeps me away from being able to do this. At least right now, he’s only 2 and needs me to practically do everything for him. So I have him and myself to focus on and live and try to be the happiest we can be. Even on our lazy days when mama doesn’t feel good. But I’ve realized I’ve wrote quite a bit for today so I’ll come back soon and talk about how my appointment went. ❀ Thanks for reading if you got this far, It’s a blog. it’s not meant to be short and sweet. But I love you, have an amazing day while I binge Greys Anatomy until I see my son tomorrow night. I hate when he goes. But until next time. xoxoxo Courtney Leonard ❀

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